How to break teenage parenting anger/lecture/nag cycle.

I have 3 teenagers, the oldest is in college. I feel like the rules are different with the second two, what worked with the first doesn’t with them. I’m finding myself frustrated, angry and annoyed too often. We are in a negative cyclical power struggle. The circumstances are so insignificant, yet my emotions and reactions are intense and often I feel like I can’t stop myself from responding negatively to them. I know I’m the one at fault. I complete a model daily about our interactions so I’m aware of the negative thoughts, at least at some level I’m aware. But I can’t stop myself from lecturing or nagging or threatening or taking away privileges when they are disrespectful or inconsiderate or lazy or whatever it is that sets me off that day. How do I get to the point of not only being aware after the fact, but catch myself during a mom rage moment and stop or even better, before and then change my approach?