How to come to terms with the past?

C: We got together in February. In that time, we broke up/got back together at least 5 times. One day in May he left for a 2-week work period and it was the same day his estranged father died. One argument was about my inability to show empathy when his father died. In the beginning of August we split up for good.
T: I don’t think it means I don’t feel empathy, I think my reaction was a reflection of how maxed out I was in the relationship.
F: Confused
A: I’m pausing for reflection on this. I’m trying to explore how he must have felt when I didn’t respond (show empathy).
R: not satisfied with the reasoning or logic to my thought.

I chose confused because I observe my thought as being self-absorbed. Why was I self-absorbed at a time when he really needed me? I am guided in this feeling because of the argument which was about how I made the situation about me (I couldn’t be of emotional support to him). I suppose I don’t like this about me, I don’t like how I went down in this situation. I want to explore why I couldn’t be of support – but at what point do I say, that’s enough – it’s not perfect but that’s what it was at the time?