I recently received a text from my oldest friend, let’s call her Lorraine. She said she needed to “rant rave complain cry vent”. I called and we talked for a while, well, she talked…she complained about her mom who isn’t showing her the love that she wants her to. Here’s one rant: They went to dinner and her mother sat in the middle of the table instead of letting Lorraine sit in the middle. She felt snubbed and ignored. Another one: she drove all the way to to see her mom who was out when she got in. Lorraine texted Mom as requested when she got to her Mom’s house. Mom came home immediately to say hi and then “she just went to bed!” Seriously?
There’s plenty more where that came from. As I sat there listening, and after learning so much from SCS, I couldn’t help but try to “give” her some advice as to how to handle things. I said that it sounded to me like her mom was trying to show her love and be there for her. (I won’t go into to detail but my friend spent about 4 months in jail and her mom not only hired a lawyer for Lorraine, but flew to her home city and took care of crucial business while she was interred…twice.) Now, Lorraine is upset because Mom wants some of that money to be paid back “even though she’s rich!”
Before SCS, I used to listen to Lorraine and try to commiserate, but now, I just see her as obnoxious, petty, and annoying, and that she believes the wrong “truth.” She absolutely refused to consider any advice I was trying to give. We ended up hanging up on each other because i was defending her Mom (who I really like and respect) which Lorraine found unacceptable.
I have similar issues with my own mother: she’s mean, negative, and a nasty most of the time. I have a hard time just listening to them bitch, moan, and be so miserable for no apparent reason. My mom has a nice house, car, life, and very healthy, but if you talked to her, you’d think she just got out of a concentration camp.
I know I shouldn’t believe that and I’m trying, but for now, let’s just say: there’s some work to be done here!
My main question: how does one deal with people who seem to really enjoy being miserable?
Thanks so much!