I have been in an intense struggle with myself around my art for a few years, questioning whether it’s really what I want to be doing, but unwilling to give it up just yet, mainly because: 1) I’m finally getting recognition and opportunities, and 2) I don’t want to quit just because it’s hard or because of self-sabotaging fears that could be managed.
So, I was thinking I could make my Impossible Goal to turn pro with my art. (Stephen Pressfield’s term for the internal shift that takes place when you stop avoiding, resisting, questioning and just devote yourself to your vocation.) Could I define my Impossible Goal as “turning pro?” I’m not sure how to measure this because it really is a psychological state of surrender and devotion. Do I give myself assignments to create a certain amount of work and measure that? I don’t know that cranking out a pre-determined quantity of work would prove anything about the feeling of turning pro.
I’m not sure about the 25 failures either. There are so many factors that go in to “turning pro,” including not buffering, exposing myself to new stimulation, cultivating inner silence, following a disciplined work schedule. Should I use all those supportive habits as my 25 failures?
I would be very tempted to focus on something entirely different than the art but I’ve been given a residency at a college for the year. I am being supported to work steadily on my art, so it seems like this year is the time to really give it everything I’ve got and see if I can achieve the Impossible Goal of actually wanting the life I have made for myself.
So main questions: Am I on the right track? Could my 25 failures list be attempts to incorporate activities and habits that support “turning pro”? Any ideas for how to measure the goal?