How to handle situations when others are defensive that I don’t want to gossip or commiserate with others?

As I learn this work, I realize I don’t want to commiserate and gossip about things. I have learned that doing that is a way for me to buffer. I am struggling with how to show up in situations when others start the gossip.

I am noticing that 1) I want to tell the person they are trying to not feel a certain emotion but I don’t think that would be really helpful and 2) When I try to change the subject or give a different perspective it is not always received well.

For example, I tried to give my mom a different perspective about a situation. She refused to continue the conversation and walked away from me. She said she wanted me to defend her and support her.

So I guess my question is, how to support others when they think commiserating or gossiping about situations is helpful when I don’t want to engage in it?