How to hold back

Now that I have had major mindset shifts and my life is so much better, how do I hold back on sharing (coaching) with others?

I had two circumstances that were very similar

Someone was telling me their story of how they thought they had been wronged by someone else. At the end of the story they concluded that they stood up for themselves by telling the other person how they behaved was wrong and how that made them feel. Then they keep expressing how the other person was in the wrong.

My thought: They are suffering, I want to share how they are the only one that can make themselves feel bad and teach them about the manual.

Feeling: compelled and compassionate

Action: coach and teach

Result: They say they were telling me a “win” story and that I had shamed them for it.

I did not interpret it as a win story.
I thought they were suffering.
I thought I was acting from compassion.

My intentional model- I want a different result

Circumstance the same
F: Compassion, proud?
A: Just listen, support them
R: Harmonious relationship. I get to love them, allowing them to be where they are in their journey.

I need some help on the thought. I can allow them to express themselves how they are (model). I get that. I think I might be missing the social cues of their intent for telling me the story.

T: I don’t know why they are telling me the story and I don’t know if they want my help
F: I will feel compassion and compelled
A: Ask them for clarification on the intent and the ask of me.
R: They provide the input that helps me know how to respond to them how they need it at the moment.

Based on evidence of someone asking me the question “Why are you telling me this?”, I know that is not the right question to get the result I seek. That question can invoke feelings of shame for sharing the story.

What questions do you use to understand if you should go down the coaching route?

Or do you have a different thought concept that fits better?