How to know if I’m an empath or a selfish person

I have heard about people who are too other referenced and too self referenced and that it’s good to work on your weaker side in relationships.  I like this idea.  Trouble is, I’m not sure if I’m to other referenced – an empath, or too self-referenced – a selfish person.
I feel as if my friends see me as generous, kind and thoughtful sometimes, but maybe self-referenced at other times – but mostly giving and kind.  In intimate relationships, I’m less sure.

At times I feel weak and less than, feel as if I am being deferential, other times I feel strong, confident, and even if it’s a challenge to be self-supporting, I work towards and sometimes do this (and often think I am doing things wrong, too).  Anyway, I like the idea of deciding where you are heading and working towards that aim, however I’m having a hard time assessing where I actually am, so I know which direction to aim in.  Thank you for any help and insight!