I just got off my weekly coaching call and we were talking about loving myself because what came up for me was that I don’t like anything about myself. She told me homework was to force myself to find things I love about myself and come up with 5 things a day.
When I got off the call, I experienced some of of the most extreme anxiety I have felt. I started fantasizing about panic attacks and wondering what they feel like and if this was the start of one. I ended up crying to let out some emotion and tried to get curious about why I had so much anxiety. What came up was I don’t have 5 things, I don’t think I can come up with 5 things and I tried to anyways.
Whenever something came up, it was shot down with so what? Who cares? That’s not that special? That’s not a big deal. That can change. Etc. Like I thought I kinda like my body, but what came up was that’s superficial, who cares? And if you stopped working so hard, you wouldn’t like your body anymore, you like it cuz you have abs, not unconditionally. Then maybe my lips and the thought was “that’s not good enough.” And then the “I KNOW I need to love myself, but I don’t. I should really love myself.” thoughts come up as well.
Where do I start? How do I love me?