How to process a break-up


My boyfriend of one year just came over and told me for most of our relationship he hasn’t felt the same amount of love for me as he thinks I felt for him. He said he never felt an initial spark and doesn’t think he ever will and that he wants to feel excited about someone and like there is a spark. I told him that his words and actions until today have been the opposite, as if he was in love with me and excited to be with me. He agreed and said he thinks he was lying to himself because he did care about me and who I am. I’m more introverted and he’s more extroverted which we both knew and he never expressed that he didn’t like that about me.

During our relationship I would have a whisper of doubt, the thought being “I’m too boring for him, I’m not entertaining enough he might leave.” Because of SCS and the model I don’t think that I turned that into a self fulfilling prophecy, I was just being myself. But now my brain is really wanting to latch on to “I wasn’t good enough, I am boring and uninteresting.”

C: G’s words “I think I do want to be with someone more extroverted”
T: I’m not good enough, I’m boring and not interesting
F: devasted
A: spin thoughts on how I should of been different
R: find evidence I wasn’t good enough for him.

I was in love with him so I don’t want to resist feeling sad, grief, loss but I’m focusing more on this one area of not being good enough. I think because my biggest fear is that if it’s true that I’m too introverted, boring then no one will ever love me, I’ll be alone, isolated. Can you me help with how to move forward with these thoughts and fears?

Thanks!