How to reconcile what I want for myself and loving unconditionally?


I want to love my husband unconditionally, but I find it difficult when his actions or inactions have consequences on what I want for myself.

For instance, I like clean/organized space, it makes me feel peaceful and productive, and logically I want to live and work in a clean/organized space.

I understand that it is the idea that I have about the “clean/organized space” that makes me feel positive, and that I could possibly feel peaceful and productive no matter what.

So, when I see my husband’s gear everywhere in our apartment, and that I start feeling claustrophobic, and that he doesn’t clean up for days even though I’ve asked him if he could do so, I wonder if I could just change my mind about his “clutter”.

But then I decide that I don’t want to change my thought simply to accommodate him and to be able to love him unconditionally. It gives me the impression of manipulating and forcing myself to live in clutter simply because I happen to live with a less organized person than me.

I’ve even thought of setting up a boundary in this type of situation, like “if you don’t tidy up the bedroom I’ll move to the spare room”.
And it seems to me that it would actually be easier to love him unconditionally if we each had our own space for certain things.
I don’t want him to be more organised. I don’t want him to change for me. I just want to live and work in a clean/organized space.

I know that by setting up such boundary I would be trying to change my circumstance, but it feels much better than trying to change my mind.

Do you have suggestions about this?

Thanks in advance!