How to talk to mom about upcoming vacation: Part 2

I wanted to talk through the answer to my questions a little more. Part of the answer stated:

“Whatever we feel occurs because we have a thought and that thought produces a feeling. The feeling in and of itself isn’t a problem. It is simply a vibration in the body.

Your worry about how your mother will feel and how you believe you will feel in turn is holding you back from doing what you want – to spend more alone time with your sister.”


“What would you choose to do, not do, and how would you show up, if you chose to believed you could have a loving conversation with your mother no matter how she chose to feel about it and react to it?”

I think I’m concerned with how SHE would feel rather than how I would feel. I know I can have a loving conversation with her and feel good with the way I expressed what I wanted to convey, but I know that no matter what I say or how I say it she’s going to take it personally. And she’s going to make it mean that I don’t love her or that she’s not important to me.

I know I’m not responsible for her thoughts or her feelings. That’s all on her and her models.

But it seems a little flippant to talk to her and then completely disregard how she feels because I think “Well, if you’re sad, then that’s on you because it’s all about how YOU’RE thinking of the situation.”

I feel like in a relationship you have to take into consideration how the other person feels about what you say and do, even if it’s a problem with their model. Thinking “Oh well, those are your thoughts…not mine” in the context of real-life relationships doesn’t seem realistic.

Can you talk more about how to navigate this from the mind of a SCS?