How to use the model to manage my emotions around my friend


Hi Brooke,

Recently, my best friend, having gone through a big breakup and is changing a lot, has become very dismissive and bad at listening. She often cuts me off when we’re talking or ignores what I say or just doesn’t pay attention. I’ve tried using the model to want to spend more time with her but the result is always the same.

C: Friend is dismissive / not listening
T: She’s caught up in her own world and is very rude
F: Angry, resentful
A: Pull away, see her less
R: …she hasn’t noticed at all, but I guess the result is I do less with her

So I tried rewriting the thought:

T: She is busy with her own thoughts and not doing this intentionally
F: more accepting
…except she still is dismissive and doesn’t listen, so the result is the same: I don’t want to spend time with her if she’s never going to listen to what I have say? The result will be the same as the above model, because the behaviour hasn’t changed? Ugh I’m stuck. Thanks for your help.