Tedious? Not a bit of it! Having you guide me where I’m stumbling, that is priceless.
OK; Just the facts.
I made a typo at work.
My boss said it was way super-double-important. She said it was inexcusable. She said it had caused a lot of phone calls of higher administration. She said it was completely unacceptable and careless. She said I” should know better, that she was disgusted with me, and that she was now going to have to clean up the mess I made”.
I got hurt and angry.
She called me and said it again, also telling me to ‘stop talking’.
I stopped talking.
I spent time doing models, trying to find why I kept giving meanings.
I also had negative thoughts about my negative thoughts.
She sent me an email saying I ‘may not’ include her in cc list. She said it was disrespectful to my direct supervisor.
(She had previously called a meeting and yelled at me about a scheduling error that was made, not by me, because she hadn’t been told.)
I tried to stop giving meaning to this experience and I have had trouble doing it.
I sent her an email saying she was being condescending and asking her to stop. She emailed me back and said she was not being anything of the sort. She said “the conversation is over. Don’t write again.”
There was another glitch in the software conversion in which I’m running the pilot. I found it and told my direct supervisor who immediately called the boss. She got the IT team to construct a work-around which she sent to me, but without directions for how to implement it.
I spent 3 hours figuring out how to make this work-around work, and I did.
In our all-college meeting she was giving her report and said “we” found a way to do it.
2 days later she sent out an email to the department saying that it was important to be careful and to avoid mistakes. She listed the typo I made and said ‘don’t do this’. She wrote several sentences detailing the importance of being careful.
On a later day, she talked for 30 minutes in our staff meeting about how this typo error was made and that it was bad. She said it made our whole department look sloppy and careless. She also said she had personally been embarrassed that this had happened.
A colleague said she was offended with how she was emphasizing this message.
She said it all again.
I have been distracted, upset and teary.
I have written a bunch of Thought downloads, Models
I have been unsuccessful in handling my feelings about being blamed. I am repeating MY THOUGHTS that ‘she should not’ be doing what she’s doing, that it’s over-reaction, that my mistake was minor and should be treated as minor. that she has expanded her disdain for me to refuse acknowledging my work in the pilot’.
These are judgments, my thoughts, and I know it.
I wrote a couple of ‘More Intentional’ thoughts and repeated them to myself.
I am having continued problem thoughts leading to feelings.
Is this more factual? It seems like it to me.
Thanks for the help.