Hurting inside

Hi Brooke, I am having a difficult time preventing myself from making inappropriate comments about my husband(their father) in front of my daughters? I know I should not be venting my frustrations to my 10 year old daughters about their dad whom they adore, but I can’t seem to stop the urges. I am aware that this is happening often and I wake up every morning with good intentions not to vent to them. I do alot of mindfulness, self-talk, thought downloads and models, as well as plan ahead of time thoughts on how I want to show up as an understanding and patient mother and wife (my March belief). Sometimes I feel as though my daughters are what I have heard you mention about your relationship with your own mother. The difference is their dad/my husband is very much in our lives and doesn’t have any harmful addictions. My daughters are either trying to lift my spirits, make me laugh, offer a suggestion, change the subject or walk away from me during these tense moments when I feel upset or sad about my relationship with their father. It’s alot to put on them and I always feel ashamed afterwards for venting to them. I want so desperately to change and stop this behavior for myself and more importantly for them. It is not serving them or me in any way. I am not buffering or distracting myself with any external things. I am really trying to feel my emotions/sensations in my body especially during my intermittent fasting hours where I have no food/substances in my body to suppress or buffer my emotions. The difference is that now that I am alot more aware of my feelings, I tend to vent to my daughters more than in the past and it appears to be getting worse. I feel like I’m failing in this area as a mother and with my SCS goals I set out for myself. This is hurting me deeply inside.