I am struggling with a few thoughts about my relationship because I want to evolve and grow and my husband does not.
He actually said those words! I have no desire to grow.
I have a recurring thought. My husband makes me want to smoke and drink.
I am on a protocol for smoking and I have been trying to quit for a very, very long time. The protocol is working. When my husband is not working he wants to have fun. Eat, drink, and be merry and never talk about much below the surface stuff.
I am a coach and these are all of the things I am trying to remove from my life. Except the being merry part.
He has been working a lot and I’ve had some time to myself, which I love. I notice I don’t need or want to drink at all when he is not home. I can dive into this work and dance and be me for the first time in my life. Then when he comes home it’s like all he wants to do is have fun, IE: eat and drink.
This is my model this morning.
T He makes me want to smoke and drink
F angry/ defeated
A smoke off protocol, drink, get even angrier, close up, don’t communicate, flip him off behind his back
R I drink and smoke and add another layer of anger on.