So it has been since January and I am realizing one of those mind blowing ah-has.
My husband came into our marriage with debt. $48 k worth from his divorce.
He promised me he would have it paid off in 3 years.
He didn’t.

We have been married for almost 6 years.
He has $19 K to go.

I hate debt. I do whatever I can to pay it off.
I realized my hating of debt has me “hating” him.
Doesn’t make the relationship all that much fun.
I couldn’t and still can’t find the separation between him the man and him the man with debt.
But I am aware that that is a possibility.

It has me looking at debt differently.
I hate debt. I am paying my house off early.
I will only borrow from my Line of Credit if I know I can leverage it and pay it off in a month.

I want wealth.

I also want to enjoy life and his paying $2100 per month is a sh*t ton of money that can be used for so many fun things.

C- Husband
T1 – I hate debt
F1 – UGH!
A1 – I find other ways to create money – the house will be paid off in early 2021
R 1-4 – Conflicting feelings and outcomes. I get none of what I want and I am miserable (ugh)

C- Husband
T2 – I hate him for putting me in this predicament
F2 – resignation
A2 – I avoid intimacy
R 1-4 – Conflicting feelings and outcomes. I get none of what I want and I am miserable (ugh)

C- Husband
T3 – I want wealth, damn you husband
F3 – anger
A3 – frozen anger that leads to resentment and no intimacy
R 1-4 – Conflicting feelings and outcomes. I get none of what I want and I am miserable (ugh)

C- Husband
T4 – I want to be a partnership but because of him I can’t
F4 – upset/sad
A4 – avoid intimacy
R 1-4 – Conflicting feelings and outcomes. I get none of what I want and I am miserable (ugh)

So… I am seeing there is something about debt and money that I am a bit hung up on. I can do some work there for sure.
This IM is about wealth, life and husband. Maybe too much to bite off, so let me know if there is something simpler.
I started with feelings and results and then added in actions and thoughts

C- life, wealth and husband
T – There is a bigger picture here with smaller moving parts.
F – calm clear at peace
A – I have my plans, my budget, I find the love in the small , inexpensive. I build the foundation of intimacy. I support him in continuing to pay the $2100 so he pays his debt off around the time I pay the mortgage off (that could be kind of fun – then the family unit is debt free entirely). I recognize that he acknowledges he isn’t good with money, and I help him with that.
R – small steps. rebuild connection and trust, and I have the wealth and the health and the relationship I want.

But as I finish that there is a debt thing that I can feel in my solar plexus.
C- money
T – I hate debt
F- grip in my solar plexus
A – brace around the idea of it
R – rigid about money and flow. am I really enjoying it?

IM
C- money
T – I can be an example
F – inspired.
A – have my budget and plans, I know my outcomes and path for getting there
R – I feel free with money. I am getting the outcomes I want. I can be easy with my husband and he can learn with me.