Husband-deciding if I should stay with him or leave him


I have been married for almost 20 years and my husband and I have 3 kids. I’ve done a lot of thought work over the years and we’ve been to marriage therapy. However I don’t feel like I’m living in my truth. I don’t feel fulfilled, I don’t feel any spark, I don’t yearn to be with him and our relationship doesn’t feel natural anymore.
It happens that we have opposing political views and I cannot respect his perspective on how our country is being run right now, nor his lack of empathy for the Black Lives Matter movement.
To give my opposite thoughts equal airtime I can say that he is a good provider, he’s a good father and he values our family.
One of the reasons I will stay in this marriage is because in 3 years my youngest son will be the only child in the house and I can’t imagine what his life would be like having to shuttle back and forth alone from house to house and live with divorced parents. Another reason is I don’t want to hurt him. He sees something in this marriage that I don’t.
Another reason is he can get angry and I worry my actions or words my cause that to happen.
And lastly although I work, financially it would put a strain on us and I think if he was angry he would do what he could to make my financial situation difficult.
I feel stuck.
My goal is to figure out if I’m supposed to stay in this marriage.
I have thought about being vulnerable and sharing some of my thoughts with him. But other times I’ve tried he’s used my words against me so I feel fear at making myself vulnerable with him. I know this leads to more distance between us. He wants to go back to counseling to try and improve things. I really don’t.
I want to be in a place where I feel good about my decision – to stay or to leave. I think it will be leave, but I want to be in a better place to make that choice.
Would love your help. Thank you.