Husband drinking continued

So when I allow the automatic thoughts to come up I feel resentment irritation disdain. I treat him badly, I’m mean and passive aggressive. The result is an unhappy marriage.
It’s become such a habit now that I’m feeling and acting like that even when he’s not drinking.
So resisting those thoughts and feelings doesn’t help but allowing it doesn’t seem to produce a good result either.
So what’s the next step?
Should I continue just to explore this before I try force new thoughts?