Husband drinking


My husband gets drunk probably about 1x/month – either at home with our family or out with friends. I feel such rage when he does this. If we’re at home, he gets sullen and moody, he stumbles, he slurs his words. If we are out, he says mean/embarrassing things about me or our kids. The next day, I am angry. He apologizes profusely. I tell him how I feel, how it hurts, how I feel trapped when he acts like that and I don’t know what to do. He apologizes. I have nothing to do, but get over it. I do get over it. And then it happens again. The hardest part is how angry I feel. I am so mad at him. I tell him and he apologizes, but I am still so angry. I know I can’t change him. And this won’t change, bc it hasn’t been this way for 20 years. But it is a wedge in our marriage – a huge one. Do I just live with it? Make it a neutral circumstance? I am really struggling w the intentional model. Thank you! I’ve never written it down or talked about it before and it feels good to see it out in the open.
Unintentional model:
C: husband drinking
T: I hate it. I feel trapped when he does it.
F: rage/contempt/bitter
A: lash out for a week afterwards-cut downs, sarcastic comments, etc
R: I feel horrible

Intentional:
C Husband drinking
T I can’t control him. I have to love him just as he is????
F hopeless – lost confused – depressed????
A nothing – give up – ???
R ?