Husband has short temper with the kids, I feel the need to speak up and tell him to stop because I worry it’s damaging to them/I feel turned off as well.

My husband has always had a short temper, he says he is trying really hard but his father would punish him or shame/hit him whenever he did anything “wrong” and he thinks he is conditioned to do the same. He has a very hard time not snapping at the slightest frustration with our small kids (5 and 7).

Later he will say he hates that he is this way and wants to change, but in the moment i have a VERY hard time not stepping in because I know this scares the kids. He doesn’t hit, he just gets very loud and scary. I have been trying to stay out of any disagreements he has with our kids because I remember you saying “that’s their relationship” but when it becomes scary to them I feel so compelled to put my arm on him and say I will talk to the kids, which he takes offensively. Comments like “oh thats right, you are the better parent” come out of his mouth, which he apologizes for later. He always realizes later that he doesn’t want to yell or get so mad but he says he just can’t help it.

I also just feel turned off and I know this is a thought but this is a thought that i do have. It really bothers me to the point where I can’t stand being around him for a bit because it makes me feel icky that he would be so mean to our kids.

My thought=he shouldn’t be yelling at small kids and should be able to deal with things calmly=my emotion of feeling turned off to him. Then when he comes around to me wanting sex or wanting to be intimate i just avoid him and he has no clue why i am avoiding him. I just don’t know what to do with these feelings.