I have focused very much over the last 5 or 6 weeks on allowing emotions and also having a clean C line. This has allowed me to feel SO much calmer and in control. Like I’m not at the mercy of whatever’s going to happen next, but that I’ll handle anything (by allowing my emotions instead of being scared of and resisting them) and… I’ll stay in the present moment with the help of a clear C line, which has prevented a lot of drama before it even happened…
Additionally from this clarity I have had the thought – specifically with regard to my husband – that his “anger” (whether or not it’s anger or just my thoughts that it is), is his “problem” and not mine.
In the past I have done one of two things;
1 Tiptoed around him so as not to “cause his anger” (I understand better that I can’t cause it now)
Or 2, feel so victimized by it, fight back, want his approval or for him to back down or apologize or just calm down etc, which… he rarely if ever did, in the moment.
Now instead, I am having the thought “I can handle myself/emotions in any situation anyway so I am going to be true to myself and if/when he “says words” about it I’ll either allow and take care of myself with whatever emotion it brings up – or, in fact see it as nothing to do with me or for me to solve.
It’s his “problem” (thought), not mine. I don’t need to take it on. He is free to respond how he likes”. Rather than feel like a victim or that I need to “fight” back, instead I see myself as empowered for being able to create my own emotion – and if anyone is a “victim” it is him, of his own thoughts that are sometimes causing him to feel angry. I am doing nothing wrong. He can choose to think thoughts that may upset him or not.
This happened this evening. It created an entirely different outcome than “normal”. I felt calm. And instead of what could have spiraled to us not talking to each other or worse, instead I felt calm, we continued with our plans for the evening and he sat next to me on the couch caressing my arm!!! Haha. I had to make a conscious effort in the moment to choose the option and thought that I did (to let it be his model, not mine), but I’m so happy that I did. May I do the same many more times! Thank you SCS.
