Husband in love with someone else


My husband just told me, a few hours ago, that he fell in love with a friend of ours.

We’ve been married for 10 years.

Never cheated. Never separated. Never fell in love with anyone else. We thought we were indestructible. I’m crazy about him.

So his feeling, it’s been a few months. He tried to deal with that and forget about her and fight this feeling but it didn’t work. He hurt, struggled like crazy, and all this time I thought he was depressed. As this feeling seems to not go away, he thought he had to tell me and be honest. And now, he’s going to tell her. I don’t know (and he doesn’t either) whether she feels the same for him.

He is scared to death at the thought of hurting me and hurting the children.

Since he told me (this morning), I’m in total denial. It’s just as if the shock numbed me. I don’t believe it’s true. I think I’m gonna wake up. Or that he’s doing a very bad joke. I don’t cry, I don’t shout, I just act like a robot and wait for the moment I wake up and realize that was not true. Because it CAN’T be true, right? It’s like a scene I’ve seen thousands times in movies. It doesn’t feel real. IT’S A MOVIE CLICHE, please. I know it’s the first stage of grief.

He was so miserable and crying at the idea to make me suffer (my man happens to be a good man) that my heart broke, seeing him so sad and crying (I never saw him crying in 10 years, or maybe once, exhausted), that I couldn’t help holding him and helping him. Because I love him so much, I don’t wanna see him suffer. I know stage 2 is anger. I guess I won’t be that nice with him soon.

I don’t wanna feel anything. I’m ok at the numb-denial-stage. My brain is frozen. Everything’s going to be fine and we’ll be back to normal.

I’m sorry, my message is so confused. But I am.

I guess my question is: what do I do with all that…?

Thank you.