Hi there
Not for the first time, I am trying to manage my mind around my husband’s drinking.
I got home on Saturday morning and realized he hadn’t stopped drinking since Friday afternoon.
I did some self coaching and managed to move from anger and irritation to acceptance with the thought he’s an adult he can do whatever he chooses.
So I realized I’m also an adult and I can choose to enjoy myself too so I decided to join him.
However it didn’t go well as he landed up ruining the drinks we were having with my family insisting we leave half way through lunch and then passing out. I found myself kind of drunk and lonely. And ended up bingeing on sugar and flour.
In hind sight I should’ve known to not try to join him. He was too far gone for us to get on the same level and enjoy ourselves together.
I’m thinking next time he’s like that I should just remove myself from the situation and do my own thing. But that is changing the circumstance instead of my thoughts. However I’m wondering if this is actually a boundary issue.
I hate having to have a conversation with him or interact with him when he’s so out of it.
If I try just read or sit outside he’ll keep talking to me and trying to get my attention. Or play music super loud.
I’m thinking it is a boundary and I should just leave, lock myself in the bedroom or work late to avoid being around it. But then how do I define the boundary. I don’t mind if he’s having a few drinks but day 2 of a binge is different.
I really want to improve my marriage and connection with my husband. He says he wants to cut down his drinking but clearly at the moment he is not able to.
When he does these binges on the weekend I land up thinking thoughts that distance me from him for days after. I want to manage my thoughts so I can accept what’s going on and not react to it in a negative way.
I have a really long way to go to unconditional love but I want to learn it.
This weekend I’m on call so my weekend involves going into work intermittently throughout the weekend and trying to rest in between. There’s a good chance he will have another session. I would really appreciate your advice.
Thank you for your time xx
