My husband lost his job back in April.  While he is working as an independent contractor and making the same amount of money per month now, he is still wallowing in sadness and shame from being laid off in April.

Initially we would argue a lot because he blamed all of this on me as it was my wish to move to this city 3 years ago when he had doubts about it. With coaching, I have been able to let him vent without adding fire but I am also growing distant from him.

When he starts complaining over the phone, I make up some excuse and quickly hang up. I spend a lot of time cooking or cleaning or folding laundry so I don’t have to talk to him because if we start a conversation, he will bring this up again.

Sometimes when I know he is in a foul mood (I overhear him complaining to his brothers about his work situation), I can feel anxiety and resistance building up in me and the need to ‘hide,” I avoid eye contact with him. He can 100% sense my weird behavior.

My thoughts that bring up these feelings are :
– he is never going to be happy
-this is the rest of my life
-he is such a complainer
-he does not see that God is still providing him 10k a month
-he is so entitled

I cannot continue this way.  I want to love him but I cannot live with this constant whining and complaining.  I even think of going to work full time so I don’t have to deal with him. I know he and everything that comes out of his mouth are neutral facts and my thoughts create my feelings but I feel my thoughts are unconscious and fleeting and that I can’t catch myself before I start acting weirdly. Please help me.  I simply cannot continue this way.