Husband Models.


Brooke,

I have been doing models on my husband for 8 months and I am looking for direction from you.

Here is what I know:

I have a manual for my husband.
I recognize that AND desire to LET GO of it (for my sake). I am still doing work here

My thoughts used to be very negative about how he shows up in the world.

Now, I can identify my responsibility in that experience. It still requires active self coaching, but that coaching moves me through my initial negative thought to a neutral thought

Result: I feel lighter. Happier. I truly like him more ( I have always loved him). I like ME more (NICE byproduct!)

It is still work.

I am aware that there is something else below all of the husband junk driving my feelings about him.

At the foundation I desire approval and recognition from him for what I do for the family and for how badass I am:)

C: Husband
T: I want him to approve of me and what I do for the family (manual)
F: Needy; dependant, small
A: Process his ‘being’ as negative because I’m not getting the “you are awesome” comments I want
R: Many opportunities to do my work around my thoughts of his negativity.

I want to release this manual.

So… What does his approval mean and why is it so important?

I think it is because I am a SAHM.
He brings home all the bacon.
(My thought): If he doesn’t think I contribute to the household then I don’t deserve access to the bacon. It is HIS not OURS (this is a model learned from my childhood. )

I know with CERTAINTY he believes it is OUR bacon.

I feel indebted to him for supporting me financially. This thought doesnt extend to our kids.
I can’t shake it. (again. childhood family structure model)

So, to get out of that debt, I have to add value (I know I do add value). (manual for myself…. who knew?)

BUT MY manual for myself states : My husband must SEE that I add value, make a difference and contribute in amazing (non income generating) ways to this family (this seeing/acknowledging is critical for me) so I can justify my consuming our financial resources for my desires (WHAT?!?)

I don’t know where to go with this. Will you point me in the direction that moves me closer to a model that works for me? I want to live from love, abundance, joy and confidence.

C: Me
T:
F:
A:
R:

I am the “C” because it isn’t about my husband.
None of it is about my husband.
Poor guy…. I never knew that.

Much gratitude for your thoughts.