Husband name calling and yelling

This morning while my husband and I were getting ready for work, I made a comment that everywhere I look I see piles of his stuff (shoes on the floor, clothes on the chair, papers scattered on tables, desk piled high in crap).

This has been a long standing issue with us. I work from home, so it helps me feel more productive when I don’t see his mess everywhere. It really is just as simple as putting things back where they belong. I’ve tried asking him nicely, explaining why it bothers me to no avail.

I’m struggling with a solution I’ve heard you say about if it’s important to me I should just clean up his messes. That just seems so unfair to me. Anyway after this comment he told me to stop nagging me, I’m going to do what I want to do, I’ll clean it up when I want to, not on your schedule and you made a mess in the kitchen last night so why don’t you go clean that up first.

Anyway, the whole thing just spiraled out of control and resulted in him screaming awful terrible names at me. I admit I called him a few awful names too … but then after awhile I just sat quiet while he screamed and screamed at me … then slammed the front door and took off for work.

I’m left here feeling like I was verbally abused, angry, hurt, pissed off. How did it end up with me asking him to put away his things to him getting so angry at me? I’m trying to do a model but I can’t even think of an intentional model that would result in I would be okay with his behavior? Not sure where to start!

I recalled a women you coached yesterday about her sister acting ‘cray’. Is that how I’m supposed to view his behavior – he just acts cray every time I ask him to clean up his messes, so I should just clean up after him?

c – Husband calls me terrible names
t – that is verbal abuse and I won’t tolerate that
f – angry and sad
a – ignore him, defend myself
r – more name calling

c – Husband calls me terrible names
t – that’s curious why he’s acting like a lunatic
f – oh well, people act crazy, this says more about him, than about me
a – (Brook – this is where I get stuck I’m not sure what to do with the action line!)
r –