Husband says he is too tired to participate


Hello! I have made huge progress in improving my marriage by applying Brooke’s principles. I loved her podcast about teaching us to “love a fly”, and I am working hard on “throwing out the manual”.
My husband appears to me to be frequently irritable and non-communicative. He says it is because “work wears him out, and he is an introvert, and he is comfortable with how he is”. I am trying to throw out the manual (‘My husband should make an effort at least a few times a week to be present”) and I realize I could change my thoughts- “I love how my husband is”, “I am lucky to have such a quiet husband”, “A plus side of this is that he asks so little of me”.

Underlying thoughts that I am aware of are also, “Can he please use a little effort?”, “He is being lazy and easy on himself- at what point is it normal politeness to greet your wife and exert yourself a little to appear civil?”

I realize that it is possible to make the decision to love him completely and accept him completely as he is right now. I have practiced this for over a year now and can usually feel neutral about him as a circumstance. However, I would still prefer it if he would make an effort a few times a week (for example, 3 times a week) to engage and be present and nice, and to treat me with the same interest and engagement that I hear him treating his work colleagues. So, I guess I still have a manual! What are my next steps as far as my own agency to create a life that feels right? I realize that I can continue to live like this (I am getting much more comfortable with it) or I can choose to live alone. Are there any middle steps to communicate with wisdom and love to my husband about my wants? One of my friends has said, “Don’t leave him just because you are too scared to tell him some of your wants for his behavior”.

What is Brooke’s advice for communicating “wants” in a productive, loving, honest way? Thank you!