"Husband should take care of his health"


At 50, my husband has ongoing serious health issues (e.g. in June he was hospitalized for 5 days with cardiac issues). Many are due to lifestyle choices (excessive drinking, not exercising), not seeking medical help, and not following medical advice. This morning he has a dental abscess (he hasn’t seen a dentist in years). I could write all of these as “facts”, but of course they do not feel neutral to me at all. All of these things feel like reasons to freak out.

This affects me directly because many of our plans are canceled due to his health crises, he expects support from me around managing his symptoms, and he is unwilling/unable to do most of the things that I would like to do with him (go on easy hikes, have sex, go on vacations, lead a generally active lifestyle).

Hoping for input on my models

UM

C Husband’s health
T He should take care of his health
F Angst
A Judge him for his lifestyle choices, think about what our lives would be like if he had made different choices, nag him about his health, ruminate about his health problems, research health topics, revolve my life around his health conditions, give up on the future
R I am not taking care of myself in this situation

IM

C Husband’s health
T Husband makes his own health choices and that’s OK [but I don’t believe this and I’m groping towards a ladder thought…}
F Acceptance
A Feel my feelings of grief, sadness, fear; Be a good listener; Offer help but accept if refused; Genuinely express my feelings when he is sick; Don’t nag; Allow caretaking urges; Focus on self-care
R I make the right choices for me

Thanks in advance!