Husband struggles with intimacy

Hi Coaches,

I love my husband dearly, and we are honestly an amazing match. I have been with him for over 8 years, and truly ever single day he comes home I get excited to see him. People often say we look like we just started dating because we look like we are in a ‘honeymoon phase’ always. Truthfully, we get along so well and he truly is my person.

The issue is: I am someone who is physically VERY affectionate and intimate. I love intimacy and really want to get more intimate with him. He on the other hand, really struggles with physical and affection. We have sex often, but when we do I find him very detached. He doesn’t particularly like foreplay, and struggles with kissing etc. These are very important to me when it comes to feeling turned on and fully feeling connected during sex.

I have spoken to him about this multiple times. He understands, and has said that he will work on it and has. He keeps on trying, but it doesn’t come naturally to him. Sometimes I find his kissing to feel forced, and he cannot fully just ‘be in the moment’ during sex. During these times, my brain starts to wonder and think thoughts like “He will never be able to sexually please you” and “this is how it starts, later on this will become a problem” and also “this is how affairs happen.”

I don’t want to have these thoughts about him or us. I want to learn how to create that intimacy.

I love my husband and truly want to be with him. Like I said, I do believe we are soul mates. I just am longing for that deeper intimacy with him, that I think he would like to give me but struggles with.