I am so upset that we are having the financial fight, again. We want to spend a large amount of money and we just can’t seem to figure out our finances in the first place. I feel that the large sum of money that I wanted to spend next year will be impossible if I say yes to this garage. Saying yes will mean either great sacrifice in our budget or a loan. I want to say no. But I also want to see all the facts to start with. I honestly hate that we don’t have the kids mission funds set up and that we don’t have college funds set up and that there is no responsibility on either of our parts. We are back in the mess we were in many years ago and I just don’t want to be the person making all the changes. That’s how we operate. I am more practical and he gives me space to ensure that we make good financial choices. I feel like I am always to one grounding him to reality and that he resents me for it. I don’t know what he expects from me. I thinks he wants me to figure out all the financial pieces and tell him that I have worked magic and suddenly we can do it all. If it’s not one big idea, it’s the next big idea. First is was cows. Next it was a bigger house. He moved onto a side by side. Now it’s the garage. I can’t ever keep up. If we are not happy with our space, then we will never be happy with the bigger space. It’s this thought that what we have isn’t good enough, that really is the root of it all. I don’t want to spend money on a garage. Plain and simple I gave an idea for a cement slab for a baskeball hoop and it’s now a 30x30x12 garage with two shops built in….oh and after I asked, the basketball hoop. Everytime that I give a little, suddenly it’s this big huge thing and I can’t work magic and now neither of us gets what we want. I feel he let’s me spend money so that I will feel guilty and say yes to him!
I know I can’t change him and most of that download feels like I want to. My question is how can I show up in love, either say yes or no, and be able to handle whatever emotions he is allowed to feel.
C-KJ said, “It’s my dream to build this shop and you shot me down by saying “how are you going to find the money.”
T-If I say no, I am the bad guy and crushing his dream yet If I say yes, then we are 30k more in debt.
F- pissed off
A- stomp around and ignore him. Get mad about ALL our money issues.
R- He won’t want to show me his idea and I might as well have said no because I am unapproachable and he won’t bring it up again.
C- KJ said, “It’s my dream to build this shop and you shot me down by saying “how are you going to find the money.”
T- He can react however he wants but I want to have a conversation and consider all the possibilities.
F-Confident that I love him
A- I sit down with an open mind and confident that we will come to a conclusion.
R- We have a conversation about how to build the garage and if it’s reasonable.
Is this last model reasonable? Does it makes sense ? I know I have a lot of other models to run here but, this one feels like the key to the conversation.