Husband wants to share expenses.

My husband has more money than me, and I say “has” because we make the exact amount of money, but I spend more (usually on self-development materials, courses, Self Coaching Scholars, etc).

Today he showed me his account and he has 3.450 euros. I have 1.790 euros.

Immediately I felt envy. I was upset that we make the same amount of money for the same time and he has way more than I do. And I still owe him 1.000 euros. So, I did a thought download and realized I am upset because today we bought some things for the house and he said “let’s pay this equally”50/50.

I think that he should be assuming more expenses because he has more money. I don’t want to ask him for that, because I feel guilty that I spend my money on myself and his money is usually spent on us. But I can’t shake the feeling of anger and envy.

I did a couple of models on this:

C: He has X amount of money in his account
T: He has more than I do, he should pay more than I do
F: Envy
A: I closed myself to the money subject with him + I don’t want to keep investing in myself to HAVE more.
R: I keep myself in scarcity trying to hold money and not flowing into it. I don’t allow myself to enjoy every purchase.

Model 2:

C: My husband says “Let’s pay this 50/50”
T: He should be paying for this by himself
F: Anger
A: I don’t talk to him about this, I am not being honest about what I think and feel
R: I keep thinking about this and figuring how can I earn more to have more than he does.

Model 3: Intentional model

C: My husband says “Let’s pay this 50/50”
T: The more I spend, the more I receive
F: Abundance
A: I pay him the money I owe without drama
R: I feel at peace with my finances.

I don’t know. I don’t quite believe it, and there is something else bothering me. Last month we were talking about how I would like to go back to school and I will not be able to work (earn money) during that time (3 years). He said that he would pay for everything during that period. But now I think he wouldn’t because we are here now and in these small instances it doesn’t happen. I don’t know if I can trust him with me not earning money.