My husband tends to get extremely upset when kids say hungry after the dinner time. It doesn’t happen often but my 10 yr old is a picky eater and refuses to eat fully during the dinner and just before we are ready to go to bed, he announces he is hungry. If I am in their room, I gently remind him the importance of eating the dinner and go downstairs with him and help him to eat something. But tonight my husband was in their bedroom while he announced he is hungry. To cut the drama let me get into the model:

C: Calling my name loudly to come there. You don’t ever give enough food. Your stupid healthy eating nonsense and you starve people to death in this house. She is a psycho. She is an idiot
T: what is wrong with him. What authority you have to talk like that.
F: hurt
A: tears, ask my son to come down with me. Told him to come and ask me if he is hungry and learn to eat the dinner when offered. Came back upstairs. Tantrums from husband continues… how this house is a mess. Why I don’t give them food they can eat. How big of an idiot I am. I close my door with a loud noise (I hate this as I couldn’t accept his behavior) and I cannot control myself from being reactive
R: chaotic mind.

Please help me to learn to accept and not to react. What bridging thoughts I can pick to be realistic to let this behavior be there and not react. It is much better after I chose not to defend myself or explain him anything. I am not a stay at home mom. I work 60-80 hr/week. I have a very demanding and responsible job just like him. We have a nanny that helps us with cooking. He makes comments like “that food she made today tastes so bad?!?!!!” Whenever he doesn’t like the food he throws for with every opportunity he gets. Please shed some light on how to coach myself to not to react. (though I am a bit proud of myself that I let the urge to explain to him go “how I do come home only few min before he comes and still manage to… blah/blah/blah) it used to be a big argument but today I let that go but at the end closed the door loudly (not a proud act) 😭