Morning time , while cleaning up kitchen. I say I don’t want us to use the container of the juicer that’s meant for collecting pulp for other purposes (he likes to use it for collecting and adding extra water to the fountain ). He tells me that I have such wacky thoughts. Me: why wacky? No answer. We sit down to eat breakfast. He says: “Hey, don’t get old on me okay? Stay young!”
it hit me the wrong way. It was a bit of a jolt. True, I had not had my morning tea yet, but it was a bigger than usual reaction for me.
C: Words from DH: “hey, don’t get old on me, okay? Stay young!”
T: He’s talking to me in a humiliating way.
F: rage (anger plus shame)
A: reacted in a for me big way. Provided some illustrations to him to see how he might like comments like that. Did not remember to think that it has nothing to do with me, whatever he thinks. Did not show up the way I wanted to as a result.
R: I am creating an emotional experience for myself where I am humiliating him. Or, I am creating an experience for myself where I am humiliating myself.
C: Words as above.
T: He’s having a thought AND it has nothing to do with me.
F: At peace
A: I do not react. I can choose to ask for clarification. I can choose to just ignore it and go on with my day. I can choose to leave the table as I prefer not to be spoken to in that way. That way being a way that I deem less than kind, or negative.
R: I am creating an emotional experiencing where I am in the driver’s seat to choose what I want, from peace.
Would you take a look at my models please? Could my R lines be stronger? Anything else?
I get that he is an autonomous being so he gets to do what he wants. Is that the only reason why there is nothing wrong with what he does? Something else I can think here to help me? If there is nothing wrong with what he does, do I still want to bring up with him that it saddens me when i hear him talk to me like that? Or, in other cases, that it hurt my feelings?