Husband’s Actions


Hi Coach,

My husband and I have a great relationship but there is one thing that comes up every few months that I need coaching on. Occasionally he will go out with friends for drinks and will say he’ll be home around a certain time, like 10pm for example. 10pm will come, then 11pm, then 12am and I’ll text him to get an update. He’ll respond that he’s still out and that he’s leaving soon. A few more hours go by and I’ll call or text again. Same answer. He’ll finally get home very late (3am, 4am) and I’m mad because I’ve stayed awake for no reason. I value my sleep so this puts me in a bad mood for the entire next day. I know that he is just having fun with his friends (literally no suspicion that he is cheating, doing anything other than drinking and having good time) – and he’s not even annoyed when I call or text. The only reason that I get mad is because I make myself stay awake instead of accepting that yes, sometimes he stays out late and won’t come home at the time he expects.

Here’s my issue – the reason I tell myself to stay awake is to make sure he gets home safely. When I consistently text him throughout the night, I feel like it reminds him to be safe. For example, the last time this happened, I asked him at 2am how he was getting home and he said Citi Bike (public bikes – we live in NYC). After drinking, this would be a VERY unsafe way to get home and I told him he should take an Uber instead. Without me being awake to text him, I don’t know if he would make the best decisions re: getting home. Is staying awake to encourage his safety just a thought I am choosing to believe? Or could it be true? How would you suggest I handle a situation like this in the future? Thank you!