Husband’s children are coming ^

My estranged spouse is older than I and has grown children. He and I have an 8 year old daughter. This week he had brain surgery. His son came up for the surgery and leaves today. He brings his wife and baby back in a week. My model is around my reaction to this news.

When I hear they’re coming I bind up. I’d like to find a thought that allows me to be more easeful around them. They have spoken at length about how I’ve not behaved the way they expect and have been vocal about how I should be different. Their choice to think this. We’re all trying to improve the situation. There’s tension under the surface. I want to clean mine up.

C: they’re coming up
T: as though we should be happy to see them but I’m not. Too much drama (a second thought, I know)
F: bound
A: close off
R: strained relations, I’m not fully there or accessible

New f I want: relaxed
New r I want: be more easeful around them.

Can’t find a new T. Suggestions?