Husbands children

Second marriage. Husbands kids have made it clear that they want nothing to do with me. For years I worked on blending the family. Hosting events. Subjecting my kids to the new family. I can’t change the past but after 20 years it appears that I finally am facing that they never really liked me. In May my husband and I broke up temporarily and his kids said they were done with me. Husband and I have worked things out. I keep coming back to the frantic feelings of loss but am realizing I never really lost anything as they did not care for me any way. I just don’t know how to move on. I have tried to feel the loss. Tried to feel love for them. Holiday functions are going to be different. Everything is different now. But I wake up every morning feeling upset. I thought down load Try to say I am ok. I allow myself to feel the feelings but it is just not getting better. I need a new thought to feel. I just can’t find it. Not one that will make me feel love for them. I feel so judged. I feel that 20 years was a lie. I know these are feelings. I can’t even say that I showed up as myself when I saw his kids over the 20 years as I think I felt their disapproval but why is it hurting so much.
Nothing I can do will make them feel differently. And I guess I am supposed to get to the place where I don’t care. I have so many amazing friends and family. My own kids are supportive but this has floored me as I feel so much of my time was wasted. Any help?