Husband’s family dynamics

C: My husband is cooking for everyone for the second meal in a row while five childless family members sit on the couch talking for two hours and I wrangle our baby and five year old.
T: Why are they so lazy? I should take the kids home where it is easier. Why does my husband do this? Why can’t they help him or me?
F: Resentment toward his family, him and my older kid (who started acting out)
A: Irritable, impatient, withdrawn
R: Didn’t enjoy the afternoon; dreading Christmas and spinning out in my brain about that and how no one respects him or us. Also feeling guilty for not just sucking it up. It’s nir responsibility to help me with the children we chose to have.

I see here how my thoughts are causing my feelings of resentment.

But! Part of me wants to have the thoughts/feelings of resentment for my husband’s family because I think they shouldn’t sit around while he works. Repeatedly. I guess my manual for them is that if they’re not going to help cook the meal, then pitch in with the kids since my husband would be doing that if he weren’t cooking for a group of 12.

But I also want to have a good time over the holidays.

So. I guess I can’t have both, huh?