My husband has gained weight over the past year or so. He recently had a physical and the doctor told him he weighed 220, which is his highest weight ever. He also started blood pressure medication. He used to ride his bike a lot and do hot yoga, but now all he does is play golf. Being very health/diet/exercise focused myself, I am struggling to let go of my manual for him. Even if I can accept that he is an adult, and his choices about his health are his own, I still have judgmental thoughts that impact our relationship. In one of Brooke’s conversations about relationships, she and her boyfriend talk about being 100% truthful, and having difficult conversations about each others’ behaviors to ultimately improve their relationship. When is “telling the truth” moving the relationship forward and when is it getting into someone else’s manual? If living a healthy lifestyle is very important to me, but not to my husband, it feels like that is a want match that we should talk about, but I can’t seem to frame it up without getting into my manual for him. As a result of this thinking, in both my models, I end up in a place of disconnection.

C: Husband weighed 220 at his physical
T: He is not physically attractive to me like he used to be. His disinterest in making healthy lifestyle changes is unappealing.
F: Frustration. Discontent.
A: Keep distant. Say very little. Drop not-so-subtle hints.
R: Annoy husband so we are both annoyed.

C: Husband weighs 220
T: His weight/health are his decisions and my job is to love him
F: Loving
A: Go on living my life as usual
R: We both do the things we like to do