Husband’s mess


Struggling with thoughts about my husband and his seeming inability to clean up his stuff. My husband does not clean up or organize or get rid of stuff. He piles things and then gets angry when I clean things up. He also frequently accumulated more junk. I have let him take the lead with this for YEARS and felt like I have not control. I’ve felt embarassed and ashamed, but at some level not worthy of a home that was lovely and reflected my health, clean, stylish, valuable self. I don’t know why I did that. Part of me thinks it was past programming – I never had a say at home about how things were organized etc. I had divorced parents and felt lucky to just be included and paid attention to around my dad. I love my husband, and I want to stay married, but I am so angry about this, I’ve complained about this enough, he is not changing. I want him to change. I don’t know the best approach here. I know I need to stay calm and collected. I feel I have no power over our joint spaces. Our back yard embarrasses me cause he has lots of crap out there (old tools, things he has collected, old cat structures etc. When I ask him to get rid of he won’t. I feel embarrassed to have people over, he says I’m too sensitive. I am starting to see how little control I have over this, As I grow and continue in SCS (I’m a diamond) I realize I’ve been telling myself I have no control over this. I feel like I must have control.. but is the only control to decide whether I want to tell myself I like the mess (which I don’t) or to leave??