Husband’s Opinion

My husband offers his opinions and observations on a regular basis. They sound like, “Don’t be frustrated,” or “We’re putting our [my] energy in the wrong things,” or “All you need to say [instead of what I felt I needed to say] is…” That last one is a phrase I hear a lot – his suggestions on how I should communicate differently.

It seems that my way of doing life is not how he would do it – which is understandable since we are two different people. His commenting on his observations and corrective suggestions are frequent, sometimes daily. I do not want to change him, so I accept that he may continue to do this throughout the next 50 years.

I think what bothers me is that in order to complete some goals of mine and ours as a couple I have ways of processing things and organizing my mind that are different from him. It can seem that he disapproves of me a lot.

C – Husband says words such as, “instead of what you said, all you needed to say was…”
T – My husband disapproves of me
F – Sad
A – Defend my way of communicating, critique his critiquing me, shut down, walk away mid-conversation to keep from getting upset, judge him for judging me, ruminate with the thought that he disapproves of me, spend time trying to figure out how I can both be who I agree with and satisfy the changes he’s suggesting, wonder if his level of disapproval on the way I said something is just an indicator of other things he disapproves of that he has not shared, wonder why other people in my life that I communicate with frequently seem to receive me so well, wonder why he cannot accept me for who I am today, wonder why his suggestions do not feel like loving suggestions and more like picking apart, lose focus on work, lack engagement with the people around me…the list goes on
R – I disapprove of how I am allowing this situation to impact me

Can you offer me something more to think about?