Hustling to be Liked (1)

In a recent call I discovered with my coach that I was hustling / working hard to be liked in some of my relationships and it wasn’t serving me or producing the result I want.  I thought my goal was to be “liked” by others, but now I’m writing this thinking maybe my goal was actually to be liked by myself

Anyway, this pattern of hustling to be liked is showing up in people pleasing behaviors, such as biting my tongue or filtering myself and saying yes to requests before checking in with myself.

I know this isn’t serving me. However, it’s kind of destabilizing because my brain is telling me, “I don’t know any other way to build connection or relationships. “People won’t like me if I just ‘be myself.'”  “I don’t want to be alone,” so I don’t want to just sit around loving myself all day.

My question is how do I create connection with others without people pleasing? Or feeling like I’m working hard to be loved?