I am in total overwhelm…

I begin the Applied Track this week and feel terror about it all. I feel stuck and dread. I compare it to several near-death experiences I had when I was a scuba diver…I got surrounded by Grey sharks in my first dive out of certification class, my regulator (that gives air) starting sucking water at 70′ below the surface, I got left behind in a drift dive in Fiji…(kinda like the movie) to name a few. I have been thinking about how I survived these really scary (potentially life-threatening) experiences. I slowed down and became 100% focused on the moment directly in front of me… it was all I had.

I have eaten a ridiculous amount of sugar this week. I have been watching a lot of Netflix. I have not been able to do my usual morning walk because of the unhealthy air quality in my area. I don’t want to share this with my fellow coaches from certification. I feel like a downer. Everyone in the slack is so excited. I feel terror.

C: Applied Track begins this week
T: I am completely overwhelmed
F: dread
A: overeat, watch Netflix, avoid feeling everything, don’t walk,…
R: Continue to overwhelm myself with my horrible thoughts and lack of action

C: Applied coaching track begins this week
T: I can survive anything
F: self-confidence
A: go for a walk and listen to a podcast about facing fear, go through all of the materials so I am familiar with what I am doing, be compassionate with my terror, sit with the feelings and allow them to just be here, don’t be in a hurry to change my feelings, breathe. Be willing to take one tiny step at a time.
R: Create more self-confidence, knowing I truly can survive anything.

I love this work. I love the model. I am still dreading it all but now there is a crack of light in the darkness…