I appreciate any help you can offer with my models, especially the T and R lines of my IM 🙂 . I want to have a collaborative relationship with the father of my teens (and I like my reasons for that), but I want to feel unaffected and I want that relationship to take up a relatively small part of my life (because I want to focus on new relationships and renewing my relationship with my husband).

UM
C: ex-husband/father of my teens (shared custody)
T: I am stuck with him for the rest of my life
F: trapped
A: look for evidence that I can’t remove him from my life; complain to my husband and sister about him; ask him to pay for teens’ expenses; try to influence him to be better parent; communicate in a passive-aggressive way to him; worry that he will get sick/die and not be able to financially help my teens; blame him for a lot of crap; caretake him (remind him, etc.)
R: I am stuck in a negative relationship with him

IM
C: ex-husband/father of my teens (shared custody)
T: Collaborating on parenting is no big deal (?)
F: unaffected
A: don’t talk about him; don’t ruminate about him; don’t try to influence him; communicate in a neutral way 100% of the time; make specific parenting requests; don’t care take him
R: Collaborating on parenting is no big deal in my life (?)