I binged – now what?


Today felt stressful. I was very tired when I woke up, since I didn’t get enough sleep. It felt like one thing after another just kept hitting me over and over again, until I just said “eff it – I need a donut”. And that binging behaviour continued throughout the day, as I had the thought “it’s okay, I just need to soothe myself and I’ll start again tomorrow. Clearly I haven’t soothed my inner child, and so she is taking the soothing into her own hands the best way she knows how – through eating sugary food.”

I can see that we have two thoughts here – “it’s okay, I just need to soothe myself and I’ll start again tomorrow”, and the one about my inner child taking matters into her own hands.

I’m okay with the second thought. Here’s the model:

C sugar binge
T my inner child took matters into her own hands, I understand why she did it, I didn’t protect her and this is the best way she knows how
F compassion and understanding for inner child
A I don’t beat myself up, I don’t make a rigid diet plan to compensate for the binge, I don’t make this into a big giant drama, I take a bath, I go to bed early
R The result is that I develop a deeper connection with my inner child, where she has a softer place to ‘land’ after something has gone astray.

This is new, and I like it. Now, I also don’t want the binging behaviour to continue into tomorrow. I am tempted to start a 24 hour fast, but I don’t want to be harsh with myself and continue my diet-binge cycle.

What I know for SURE continues the diet-binge cycle is beating myself up, calling myself fat, ugly, etc. I’m actually nervous to get on the scale tomorrow because I am afraid of what my brain will do. I know for sure that I need a plan in place.

So, I don’t want to punish myself for my binge. I think what I’d like to actually do is to PROTECT my inner child. The whole reason I ended up binging is because I was tired and overwhelmed and instead of allowing it by having a slow day, laying off the inner resistance, and rescheduling things I tried to ‘push through’. I really needed to just move slower today.

With that in mind, I would like to create a new model. First, I think I’d like to tell my inner child that she didn’t do anything bad, and that she’s very crafty. Her strategy to get me to binge eat to soothe the overwhelm really did work in the moment! It won’t work long term, so we are going to work together to come up with a better solution. But she’s done nothing wrong. She’s still 100% loved and lovable, AND we are going to learn a new way. The binge isn’t a problem, it’s a circumstance, only my thought can make it a problem.

The action I want to take is to get right back on protocol. I WOULD like to do a fast, but if I’m honest, that makes my inner child feel like she’s done something wrong. She’s too young to understand and will make it all about her if I fast. She will be confused and just feel like she’s bad and being punished. I can fast, but just not tomorrow as a result of a binge. Maybe I can even do it on Thursday, but not tomorrow.

C
T Protocol works for me, I can recommit right now without drama
F Stable, confident, grounded
A Get right back on protocol, I make my meal plan tonight, I spend some time journaling, I take it easy tonight, I don’t force myself to be massively productive, I wear comfortable pjs, I go to bed early, I prepare to have a protocol day tomorrow. Truth be told, I actually didn’t write my protocol for today. So, I can see where I went astray.
R I recommit to my protocol without drama and it continues to work for me.

Any feedback?