I binged…..

And I own it. I take 100% responsibility for it.

But here is the crazy thing.

I’m seeing food soooooooo differently now.

It has become a true mental debate for me now, as far as how I want my future self to feel.

(kinda like your “do I want to drink and be restlessness or not” kinda thing)

What’s going on in my head is:
1. Do I want to skip dinner and feel like complete ass? (Upside is possibly discovering more of who I am in life)
2. Go ahead and eat dinner and feel OK about life. (Downside is remaining the exact same)

Man……………do I get it now or what!!!
Your truly right. This is NOT for the faint of heart.

I made the decision to binge tonight because I just flat didn’t want to handle my emotions what so ever. During the weekend when I fasted, I cried off and on the whole time and I absolutely did NOT enjoy myself at all when I was by myself.

So this is why I binged tonight. I just didn’t want to deal with myself. So I ate. I did it. I chose it. I own it.

I’ve learned that I reeeeeally don’t like me.

Like really. And to be honest, I never have.

I’m sick of being this way though! Surely there is more to life than this. Surely there is a chance that will come that will allow me to just breathe and feel free.

Right now my compelling reason has changed. It’s now: so I can feel life 100% no matter what.

It used to be “so I can be skinny”… but I that reason doesn’t resonate with me at the moment.

I’ll still be the same damn person even if I’m skinny, and being skinny won’t make me like me. ☝🏼👮🏻‍♀️

Do you have any tips on how I can learn to like and accept myself more?

My strong dislike of who I am is really bad btw. It’s so bad that I’ve also decided that if I DO overcome this awful cycle, then this will be my calling/ministry/whatever I’ll be doing. I will be….
“Helping women love themselves/get over themselves/and take ownership of their lives”.


So that’s my latest.
Thanks for reading.

I’ll keep you posted.