I can’t make myself take action.


I have been in scholars since August. I joined because I was struggling with taking action in my life for the past several years. My primary concern right now is my job. I cannot find the motivation to take action at all. I hold a corporate job in sales. I have been in my current job for 2 and half years with this company and was with my previous company for 18 years, all working in the same industry, although my roles have changes through the years as I have earned promotions. I have been in sales since 2011. I have struggled with liking my job since I moved into the sales position, but I have continued in sales as it is the position that I am qualified for in my field of work that I can continue to make $100,000+ annual salary and I carry all of the medical benefits for my children. As I’ve been doing thought downloads on my job, the main thing I find positive is my salary and benefits. I like the money and have a good retirement package but I don’t want to do the work. I’ve gotten to the point now that I literally waste my entire day and will do almost nothing. For example, yesterday and today I deleted all the junk email and did a compliance course and that was it! I have been trying to do thought work to figure out what is causing me this issue, but I just can’t find enough motivation to actually make myself do work. I have shared my issue with my significant other earlier this year, which was difficult for me as he is a highly motivated producer at his company. He has also tried to help me by having me email him when I complete simple task so that maybe I will find motivation to keep going but I just don’t do it. I simply don’t do anything until the very last minute when I have a deadline and even then I don’t always complete the task. I am quite honestly shocked I haven’t lost my job. I believe it is because my boss thinks I am still struggling with the after effects of my divorce which was final in May 2018, but when I do thought downloads that isn’t any of my thoughts causing the issue. I come back to I just don’t want to do the work every time. I made the daily schedule as the time management podcast suggest but I don’t honor the schedule so I stopped doing that after a few time. I actually just waste the entire day waiting for it to end. I am incredibly frustrated because I feel that I am wasting my life away getting nothing accomplished everyday (except washing clothes and making dinner – these are the 2 things I actually do during the day) and that eventually I will get fired if I keep going this way. I keep thinking that thought alone should scare me into some sort of action but it doesn’t. I will tell myself in the morning I’m going to get work done today and they I sit down at the computer look at the emails and then do nothing. Eventually it’s 5:00 and I walk away until the next day when I start the same cycle over again Any suggestions on what I should be working on for a way to get my brain out of this pattern and to take action instead of just wasting my day?