I don’t deserve this ideal job


After doing a thought download last night, I worked on a model based on one of my thoughts.

C: Job, $105K, no overtime
T: I don’t deserve this ideal job
F: Guilty
A: Resent the job and myself, spread out the work, feel guilty about the salary I collect, feel anxious during work days about being always online, judge myself, try to prove my value to myself
R: I block this from being the ideal job to fuel my dreams of business ownership

Another thought/feeling is that I don’t feel super valuable in my role even though my boss just told me I “exceed expectations” and has told me I don’t need to feel locked into 9-5. We had a discussion that if my work and next-level projects are done, I don’t need to stay on the clock so to speak. But because I don’t feel like I earn my salary (despite meeting expectations and rationally knowing I do a great job and am always willing to do more), I find myself thinking that at least I should spread out the work so that I’m “working” for 8 hours which feels more acceptable than powering through great work and then transitioning to my business work. It feels dishonest, but to be honest, what I’m doing by spreading it out over 8 hours does too. I have a history of selling myself short; as an example, at an annual review 5 years ago, I went in wondering if I might be fired but was instead given a 30% raise and an award.

Given allllll this, I’m thinking something like the following could serve me.

IM
C: same as above
T: This is the ideal job for me and I’m doing exactly what I need to there.
F: Grateful
A: Approach work with more creativity and excitement, focus on my work, work more efficiently and focused, don’t judge myself, when I’m done with tasks and next-level bonus projects I give myself I can peacefully move on to my own tasks, don’t watch the clock
R: I love my job exactly as it is and as a bonus, I have the luxury of additional time some days to put toward my businesses!

I’d appreciate your insights and advice! Thanks!