I don’t follow through on commitments to myself

I was doing so well in scholars, weight and mind management over the summer. Crashed and burned around Aug. 10. Lots of things happened, I had several illnesses going on at once, my husband was away so I couldnt just crawl into bed, I had to deal with a lot of stuff with my kids’ school. Bla bla bla. I was also trying to both start my business with online courses AND finish my thesis at the same time, AND start a zumba class. And this is classic lack of constraint, which I so often do, and then I get stuck in overwhelm and burnout.

Anyhow. As I got back into the homework for September round the 7th of the month, I started planning how to finish my thesis in September. I figured I had about a month worth of work, so it was a great goal, and the September work seemed to be just what I needed. Well I havent worked on the thesis at all. Like seriously. I even have the list of things I need to do, I’ve had that since June. The reason is that I have been feeling demotivated because I just dont want to do it.

Had a 10 min coach session yesterday, my supervisor checked in and we will meet at the end of Oct to review the final thesis. And I’ve committed to being available to start potential new job Nov 1. So now I think I will actually do it. So I went back to September work and reviewed it to get a move on with planning and working. Everything I wrote and highlighted up to the bottom of page 9 still checks out. But suddenly I see the real answer to why I havent worked to complete my goal: Who are you accountable to? “Me”. Oh yeah, that’s not gonna work. If I commit to delivering something to someone else, I put it on my calendar, and it’s as good as done. But commitments to myself? Forget about it. That’s why I am not staying on protocol for months at a time. It’s why I’m not going to bed and getting up as early as I want, with a full 8hrs of sleep. Why my house isnt as clean and tidy as I want. Why I choose to buffer with food, alcohol and netflix over taking massive action to reach my goals.

C: Work on thesis not done (commitment to myself)
T: I’m not worth it.
F: Unworthy
A: Buffer
R: Commitment to myself not fulfilled

I remember a coach call where you talked about starting small when you are not good at committing to promises you make to yourself. I think maybe that’s where I need to start, so I dont go into my usual pattern over lack of constraint and then overwhelm and disappointment. And then I just need to pick one thing, start there, and follow through no matter what. I’ve also been mastering in being lost in confusion.

My plan is to restart protocol on Monday, with a simple food plan (I like Corinne’s PNP one, that works for me as long as I actually do it..), because I feel better and do better when I stay on protocol. I will restock fridge with protocol food and stop buying food that’s not on my protocol. But my no. 1 commitment to myself will be going to bed by 10 pm every night and getting up at 6 am every morning, no matter what. I know that more stable and better sleep will give me better health (fewer migraines) and more energy to get the work done and to stay on protocol, plus I don’t have sugar cravings if I sleep more and stay off flour. What do you think of this plan? The whole “I’m not worthy” and not following through on commitments I make to myself is a big thing, where do I start?