For the last couple of days, I have been finding myself extra sensitive to criticism. Over the years, I have had a lot of trolls and never let them get to me. This week something changed and one of the trolls triggered an underlying belief in myself that “I’m a fraud” and “I don’t have permission to do this” and “I don’t know what I’m doing” and “I am not worthy.”
I have been really struggling mentally with truly believing in myself and what I do. I have coached around 50 people so far in my program, of which 5 of them didn’t get the END result that they wanted (they got other results, but didn’t reach their WL goal in the end because we had to work through other stuff before hand). My brain discredits this and says that the only result they care about is weight loss. I’ve been feeling so discouraged since these 5 clients because I now believe that “i don’t know what I’m doing” that my program doesn’t work and that I don’t have permission to be a weight loss coach because I do not have a specified degree in nutrition ( I never tell clients what to eat and don’t work of the food stuff anyway, its more on the relationship they have with themselves and food so WTF am I thinking this lol). Logically, I know this isn’t true as everyone comes to coaching with a different readiness, but I’ve just been finding myself hiding a lot more, discrediting myself and my wins, doubting myself and not signing new clients because of it.
Yesterday I decided to post a more vulnerable post of me on social media. It was uncomfortable, but the idea came from a question that I asked myself “what does ONE person need to hear today?”
I get terrible PMS bloating when I’m about to come on my period (I have had it checked out by multiple Drs in the past who have told me it’s purely hormonal and totally normal during that time of the month), and I posted a picture of me with the bloat and speaking about how we all suffer from symptoms like PMS bloating and how to learn how to be kinder to yourself.
I got a few encouraging messages and comments, but then ONE person commented ” This is not healthy and normal, stop saying it is. WHY would I employ you as a weight loss coach if you yourself struggle with bloating?! I need someone who can solve my issues, not someone who is stuck with them too! I recommend you see a Dr. ASAP because this is NOT normal”
I have been having SUCH mind drama over this and my brain is FIXATING on the comment. I feel shame, embarrassment, sadness, anxiety and honestly just want to crawl in a hole and hide. I hate conflict. I hate offending anyone. I hate this feeling. The funniest thing is that I had another comment that said “this is exactly what I needed to hear today”, yet my brain is not choosing to focus on that. It’s LOOKING for evidence that I don’t know what I’m doing, and I am struggling to control it!
Here is my model:
C: Troll says words
T: “I’m not good enough and I don’t know what I’m doing”
A: focus on the troll
don’t focus on all the others who say im helping them
don’t focus on the bigger picture
don’t feel confident in myself
start to doubt myself
tell myself that I’m a fraud
find evidence of why the world is out to get me
live in fear
don’t value my own opinion
scared to speak up
try and make myself small
less likely to reach out to new clients
Discredit myself and my abilities
R: I don’t allow myself to figure out what I’m doing OR I don’t allow myself to do what I know is best
I have been buffering non stop this week, not showing up on social media, not signing clients, feeling like a fraud and a failure.
Please help coach me on this.