I dont know what to do – trouble with R line

I had some very hard moments this morning. I am struggling with my emotions, but also with the R line here.
C: daughter does two journal entries of her independent study school work while we are away on a trip. This takes about 20min. After this she says that she is all done with HW, that she needs a break. I ask her to help fold the laundry and then have a break. She says “go away and mind your own business you stupid thing. I hate you. I wish you were dead.” She makes moaning noises. She kicks me. She says “I cant” fold laundry.
T:  I don’t deserve this. My daughter should be grateful and not mean. I’m not really sure what the thoughts are here.
F: upset, angry, hurt.
R: I alternate between giving her options to go to her room to cool down or fold laundry; tell her I love her and I understand she is upset but she is not allowed to kick me;  take away privileges, tell her children who are not capable of folding laundry are also not capable of riding horses. I tell her kind and thoughtful things I have done for her. I take her tablet. When she says I am terrible I feel like saying “fine, I’ll be terrible then you will see if you like that.” I feel angry. I tell myself I’m not a good mother. I feel sad and hurt. I feel upset that I brought her on this trip that was a real stretch for me.
R: I’m not treating her the way she deserves? I’m not treating me the way I deserve? I’m being mean to me and her?
I don’t know how to do something different. I feel as if I am pulling on all of my skills and it just sucks. She is mean and hurtful and I don’t want to be around her in some ways, in other ways I just want to hug her and hold her and tell her I love her and don’t want to have this conflict.